The Friend Zone

[supersunbird]

Sex with someone you've been friendzoned (when it finally happens, and it can if you play it right) in is amazing...

 

[supersunbird]

Oh, and here is a article about being friend zoned:

http://www.news24.com/Columnists/Khaya-Dlanga/Thou-shalt-not-be-friend-zoned-20111201

Many naïve young men have willingly come into the friend-zone thinking that they can get out easily. No, my friend. Don’t fool yourself. It is an abyss so deep and dark you can’t get out. And worse, you can’t get into the deep dark place you really want to get in.

hehehe

 

[greg0205]

How is it that no-one has mentioned the Ladder Theory yet? I'm guessing its 'cos the theory is not so much based in science but rather written by someone who had probably just taken a bullet from a girl who had put him on the "friends" ladder without him knowing about it and had tried to jump ladders... You can't jump ladders... you end up in the abyss... pretty much like the situation the OP outlined.
Yeah, I'm a cynic, but Ladder Theory is sound for me... Girls might argue, but then it's mainly on the criteria for getting onto the "good" ladder and I suppose that's 'cos the theory was written by someone who probably had just taken a bullet from a girl who had... You see where I'm going there?
Pretty long read but if you have nothing better to do while having your morning coffee, let your inner cynic out for a couple of minutes this morning, you'll feel better after.

 

[_Hecate_]

How is it that no-one has mentioned the Ladder Theory yet? I'm guessing its 'cos the theory is not so much based in science but rather written by someone who had probably just taken a bullet from a girl who had put him on the "friends" ladder without him knowing about it and had tried to jump ladders... You can't jump ladders... you end up in the abyss... pretty much like the situation the OP outlined.
Yeah, I'm a cynic, but Ladder Theory is sound for me... Girls might argue, but then it's mainly on the criteria for getting onto the "good" ladder and I suppose that's 'cos the theory was written by someone who probably had just taken a bullet from a girl who had... You see where I'm going there?
Pretty long read but if you have nothing better to do while having your morning coffee, let your inner cynic out for a couple of minutes this morning, you'll feel better after.

I agree on the Ladder theory. The only problem here is the OP is a women and according to the Ladder theory, men only have one ladder...

 

[TJ99]

I agree on the Ladder theory. The only problem here is the OP is a women and according to the Ladder theory, men only have one ladder...

The Ladder Theory is a very convoluted way of saying pretty much what we've been saying in this thread, really. But why is it a "problem" that men only have one ladder?

 

[Slootvreter]

Ladder Theory is mostly accurate

 

[murraybiscuit]

Ladder Theory is mostly accurate . Or you're not being honest with yourself.

ftfy

 

[VioletF]

Right, so the first part of my post has been dealt with - severely.

Does anyone have any thoughts on the second part of the original post?

So, also, does anyone have advice on how to avoid getting too attached to a good friend in the first place?

Other than ending the friendship (or never starting it in the first place), of course.

 

[I.am.Sam]

Ladder Theory is mostly accurate

dont ever put her up too high on the pedestal

 

[_Hecate_]

The Ladder Theory is a very convoluted way of saying pretty much what we've been saying in this thread, really. But why is it a "problem" that men only have one ladder?

Theres no friendship ladder

 

[greg0205]

I agree on the Ladder theory. The only problem here is the OP is a women and according to the Ladder theory, men only have one ladder...

The OP said it took about a year of no contact and even then, the friendship was not as close as it used to be, you know, the Abyss. Also, she said: "it was the hardest thing I'd ever done" and "I was eventually able to walk away"... The OP wasn't the one jumping the ladder.

 

[TJ99]

Right, so the first part of my post has been dealt with - severely.

Does anyone have any thoughts on the second part of the original post?



Other than ending the friendship (or never starting it in the first place), of course.

Well, without knowing the specifics it's hard to say. The best would probably be to not be friends with guys, this is not exclusive to the ladder theory, just a good idea in general. But since we are talking about the ladders:

IF A MAN FINDS YOU ATTRACTIVE YOU CANNOT BE FRIENDS

Many women want to argue this point and say things like " I have lots of guy friends." Maybe. There are exactly 3 cases Intellectual Whores has identified whereby a guy and a girl can be friends:

1. The guy is gay
2. The guy does not find you attractive
3. The guy already has a woman much higher than you on the ladder

If you feel that way about a guy, just go for it, he's probably been waiting for it for ages. Although seeing you're from Cape Town, exception 1 is very likely...

 

[I.am.Sam]

Right, so the first part of my post has been dealt with - severely.

Does anyone have any thoughts on the second part of the original post?



Other than ending the friendship (or never starting it in the first place), of course.

if you were a guy i would say stop thinking with your dick ...but you a lady and i have no clue how woman think

 

[Nerfherder]

I find a lot of my female friends attractive... that doesn't mean much.

If you have romantic interest then that means you can't be friends, big difference.

 

[TJ99]

Theres no friendship ladder

Well that's not really a problem, just a fact of life. Men can't be friends with a woman they find attractive. Or they can but it will just lead to suffering as when we get to know a woman better we normally get even more attracted to her. For men, a woman that looks good, is interesting to talk to, shares our interests etc is what attracts us.

We don't have ridiculous ranking systems based on social acceptance, how much money or power one has, whether your shoes are colour-coordinated, bla bla bla etc., which permanently disqualifies someone as a potential partner.

 

[azbob]

I'd say men have 3 ladders. NB this only applies to girls that are interested in you :

Friend ladder : you're not physically appealing to me

FWB ladder : you're physically but not intellectually and emotionally appealing.

Relationship ladder : you're both physically and intellectually appealing to me.

 

[greg0205]

I'd say men have 3 ladders. NB this only applies to girls that are interested in you :

Friend ladder : you're not physically appealing to me

FWB ladder : you're physically but not intellectually and emotionally appealing.

Relationship ladder : you're both physically and intellectually appealing to me.

Nope, same ladder... Using your examples, "Friend ladder" = lowest on the ladder, "FWB ladder" = a little higher on the ladder and "Relationship ladder" = highest on the ladder.

 

[supersunbird]

**** the ladders I say... stop climbing the wrong one and get off and climb the right one.

 

[TJ99]

**** the ladders I say... stop climbing the wrong one and get off and climb the right one.

You have to be on the right ladder before you can "climb on the right one" or "get off", that's the point.

 

[supersunbird]

You have to be on the right ladder before you can "climb on the right one" or "get off", that's the point.

Start climbing the wrong ladder, see its the wrong one and climb back down and get off (or climb to the top maybe? havent tried that) and then climb the right one.

Going to do it this weekend in fact.

OK, I couldn't open the link to the ladder theory (blocked at work) but I assume it say there are 2 ladders, friend ladder and "want you hot body on mine" ladder or something similar. Now I don't know all the rules it might have but I assume it says you cant jump between the ladders because you'll fall into the abyss (which is fine and i agree with). But what I say is you can climb back down of the ladder and get off and start getting onto the right one.