The Friend Zone

[greg0205]

Nope, start climbing the wrong ladder, see its the wrong one and climb back down and get off (or climb to the top maybe? havent tried that) and then climb the right one.

Going to do it this weekend in fact.

OK, I couldn't open the link to the ladder theory (blocked at work) but I assume it say there are 2 ladders, friend ladder and "want you hot body on mine" ladder or something similar. Now I don't know all the rules it might have but I assume it says you cant jump between the ladders because you'll fall into the abyss (which is fine and i agree with). But what I say is you can climb back down of the ladder and get off and start getting onto the right one.

Here ya go, a little synopsis...

Here’s an interesting concept in the dating world, The Ladder Theory. The ladder theory is ultimately quite simple: men have one ladder, women have two ladders. The ladder represents our willingness to “date” someone. For instance, the higher someone is on the ladder, the more likely we are to date them. The lower they are, unfortunately, the less likely we would ever consider pursuing a relationship with them.

If both male and female had one ladder, it would make things infinitely easier! However, girls have both a friend’s ladder and a “potential” ladder, whereas guys put all their cross gender relationships on the same ladder.

Basically, when a girl meets Guy X and Guy Y, she quickly evaluates both and then determines that Guy X is a guy she sees as someone she could “hook up” with while Guy Y is a guy she would never hook up with. As a result of these conclusions, each guy finds a spot on their respective ladders. Guy X is on the “potential ladder”, and Guy Y is on the “friends ladder”.

Here’s the kicker, the part that (for many guys) sucks a heck of a lot in this theory. The Girl, generally speaking, is willing to spend just as much time and show just as much affection toward the guys on her friend’s ladder as she does with the guys on her potential ladder. The reason this sucks is because the guy who’s on the friend’s ladder can’t tell whether the girl is interested or not, because she’s willing to invest and spend so much time with him!

To make matters worse, the girl usually fails to adequately notify Guy Y that he is only a “friend”. This is usually because girls really like the attention that Guy Y’s would give her. She is in denial that he “likes her”, and puts off confronting that reality as long as possible. Because of this lack of communication, the guy on the friend’s ladder begins to shamelessly pursue this girl only to find out to his horrible misery that…SYKE. He got dissed. And he fails. At life. Sucks to be the guy on the friend’s ladder.

Guys on the potential ladder can usually make a move successfully on the girl, unless he does something stupid that turns the girl off.

Now, on the other side, guys have only one ladder. These are the rules: when a guy meets a girl, she is either on the top of the ladder, or the bottom of the ladder.

Although this seems similar to the girl’s ladder, the key difference is that girls on the bottom of his ladder will not get “special attention”. As a matter of fact, guys really only spend a huge amount of time with girls on the top of their ladder. Furthermore, while guys can almost never make it from the “friends ladder” to the “potential ladder”, girls adjust positions on the one ladder a lot easier based on which girl gives the guy the most attention.

So in summary, girls, when they first meet a guy, place him on one of the two ladders: friend, or potential. Guys place a girl on the top or bottom. Girls can shift positions on the ladder, but guys are pretty much stuck on whatever ladder they start on. Well, let me state that you can switch ladders, but it takes a LOT of work, effort, energy, depression…most of the times, it’s not worth it. Good luck and happy hunting!

 

[TJ99]

Nope, start climbing the wrong ladder, see its the wrong one and climb back down and get off (or climb to the top maybe? havent tried that) and then climb the right one.

Going to do it this weekend in fact.

OK, I couldn't open the link to the ladder theory (blocked at work) but I assume it say there are 2 ladders, friend ladder and "want you hot body on mine" ladder or something similar. Now I don't know all the rules it might have but I assume it says you cant jump between the ladders because you'll fall into the abyss (which is fine and i agree with). But what I say is you can climb back down of the ladder and get off and start getting onto the right one.

Way to miss the point there... ever heard of a thing called "double entendre"? See, "climb on" and "get off" have naughty meanings too and well... it's pretty self explanatory.

 

[_Hecate_]

Start climbing the wrong ladder, see its the wrong one and climb back down and get off (or climb to the top maybe? havent tried that) and then climb the right one.

Going to do it this weekend in fact.

OK, I couldn't open the link to the ladder theory (blocked at work) but I assume it say there are 2 ladders, friend ladder and "want you hot body on mine" ladder or something similar. Now I don't know all the rules it might have but I assume it says you cant jump between the ladders because you'll fall into the abyss (which is fine and i agree with). But what I say is you can climb back down of the ladder and get off and start getting onto the right one.

There's no ground...its only the abyss...you are either on a ladder or in the abyss

 

[supersunbird]

Way to miss the point there... ever heard of a thing called "double entendre"? See, "climb on" and "get off" have naughty meanings too and well... it's pretty self explanatory.

I get it now thanks hehe, working hard here too you know...

 

[greg0205]

So, also, does anyone have advice on how to avoid getting too attached to a good friend in the first place? Not making friends with the interesting sex at all seems a little extreme...

Right, so the first part of my post has been dealt with - severely.

Does anyone have any thoughts on the second part of the original post?



Other than ending the friendship (or never starting it in the first place), of course.

Be clear on what you want and then let a brother know up front. Promise, he'll be fine either way just as long as he knows...

 

[supersunbird]

There's no ground...its only the abyss...you are either on a ladder or in the abyss

If you say so...

 

[Nick333]

Right, so the first part of my post has been dealt with - severely.

Does anyone have any thoughts on the second part of the original post?



Other than ending the friendship (or never starting it in the first place), of course.

Honestly, no. We can't help who and what we're attracted to. I can see myself being just friends with someone I'm only attracted to sexually but if I find someone mentally attractive too that'll just be too damn hard. The problem is that most good friendships are based on mental attraction. The only way a good friendship with someone you're attracted to can be anything but painful is if you're in a relationship with someone else you're just as or more attracted too.

 

[Maddmatt]

But what I say is you can climb back down of the ladder and get off and start getting onto the right one.

You can't just climb back down. That would require erasing her memory so that she does not remember being friends with you, so you can start again and go for a relationship from the start.

You have to climb the right ladder in the first place, or at the very least jump before you get too high

 

[Swift-wp]

My current GF of two years and I were friends for quite a few years. I got out of the friend zone by understanding what she wanted in a man and life and showed her that I am that person and will be able to help her achieve what she wants to.

 

[VioletF]

Some interesting opinions here.

Thanks, guys.

 

[tsume]

My current GF of two years and I were friends for quite a few years. I got out of the friend zone by understanding what she wanted in a man and life and showed her that I am that person and will be able to help her achieve what she wants to.

Umm, more detail please as what did you show her :erm:

 

[Nicci]

lol Tsume haha!!

 

[guest2013-1]

I haven't read all of this thread, but my 2c: Any man over the age of 25 has already learned to start any friendship with a woman by NOT going through the friendship route first. Doesn't make much sense, but basically, you hit on her/sleep with her/flirt with her from the get-go to make your intentions VERY clear.

Once you've established that and any positive feedback she may give during this time, you can steer the relationship as you wish, so if you want to stay friends with her, you can, or if you don't, you can as well. There will be no friendzone TO escape. If you do start out that way, I've found, it's easier to just be friends afterwards. Going from friendzone to relationship back to friendzone is a near impossible feat, and I'm willing to bet the friends thing of the OP won't last very long before it drifts into nothingness again.

someone always gets hurt in the end with a relationship

If you're the one to have ended it, he would still probably have romantic feelings for you and it will become apparent in the next few months/years. If he was the one that ended it, you could possibly work through your own emotions and actually do stay friends with him, but there is always something in your subconscious that might push you into romantic feelings for him again, be it nostalgia or him "changing" into something you want again or what have you. This can be dangerous for both parties as you risk going back into the relationship "fresh" and then finding that you made a mistake.

Very few relationships I've been in and what I've seen can actually do that successfully.

 

[azbob]

Necro

Was at Cape Point this weekend and it was full of tourists as expected. There was this American boy and girl in my vicinity. The girl offered to take a photo for an elderly couple.
After taking the photo, the woman asked her if she'd like her to take a photo of them. The girl quickly replied "no it's fine, we're not dating, already have enough couply photos from this trip."

The look on that poor guys face

/necro

 

[Ancalagon]

Necro

Was at Cape Point this weekend and it was full of tourists as expected. There was this American boy and girl in my vicinity. The girl offered to take a photo for an elderly couple.
After taking the photo, the woman asked her if she'd like her to take a photo of them. The girl quickly replied "no it's fine, we're not dating, already have enough couply photos from this trip."

The look on that poor guys face

/necro

Ooh! Apply cold water to burn!

Poor guy. But, that being said, he let himself get into that position.

 

[azbob]

Ooh! Apply cold water to burn!

Poor guy. But, that being said, he let himself get into that position.

Hope he doesn't Shrien Dewani her now.

 

[TelkomUseless]

Necro

Was at Cape Point this weekend and it was full of tourists as expected. There was this American boy and girl in my vicinity. The girl offered to take a photo for an elderly couple.
After taking the photo, the woman asked her if she'd like her to take a photo of them. The girl quickly replied "no it's fine, we're not dating, already have enough couply photos from this trip."

The look on that poor guys face

/necro

Shame man.poor dude. But yea.. his own fault. He probably thought he would convince her (to be his gf) with a trip...

 

[Went_For_Beer]

Well I have ended in the "Friend Zone"

Its a long story, here is the short version...

Met a girl, we went on dates and ect ect, 3 months in, she tells me she still stays with her ex, but reasures me that they just friend... Everything was good, sex was great and the one day out the blue she tells me she just wants to be friend... WTF

Turns out the ex asked her to marry him and she jumped at the oppertunity

 

[DrewChan]

TL;DR all posts - best way to get out of friend zone is

1: become a different person
ie: If you were shy and bashful, force yourself to be confident - this will throw her off her stride and make her look at you differently

2: Disappear - probably the most effective method - find a reason to cut contact - then wait a few months - this resets relationship to nothing - then come back in a blaze of glory

oh wait its a necro thread meh

 

[TelkomUseless]

Well I have ended in the "Friend Zone"

Its a long story, here is the short version...

Met a girl, we went on dates and ect ect, 3 months in, she tells me she still stays with her ex, but reasures me that they just friend... Everything was good, sex was great and the one day out the blue she tells me she just wants to be friend... WTF

Turns out the ex asked her to marry him and she jumped at the oppertunity

Sorry to hear. But staying with the ex was a warning signal... how do you stay/live with your ex? And she boinking you, then all of a sudden, marries the ex bf... is a WTF on its own.

At least you scored