Wife cheated

[FNfal]

That’s exactly what I’ve been thinking. The dust may settle, and she might realise she made a mistake. I will never trust her again.
So it’s better to end now. It’s just a disappointing end.

It is time to decide what you want .
My advise is get rid of the problem and move on with your life .
It will happen again people do not change what is in their heart .
You will never trust her again .
Go and see a good lawyer .
What has happened can not be undone .

 

[James 77]

You know you can't trust any of the things she says, right?

Having been exactly where you are, maybe some minor details are different, the one thing that will help you figure it all out is perspective. The problem is 99% of that perspective will only come with the passage of time.

I agree. I’m not hoping for anything good, and I don’t believe anything she says or ever said.

time will change everything

 

[James 77]

It is time to decide what you want .
My advise is get rid of the problem and move on with your life .
It will happen again people do not change what is in their heart .
You will never trust her again .
Go and see a good lawyer .
What has happened can not be undone .

I agree. What I want is to get my affairs in order this side, and leave for the UAE and look for a job that side. I’ve spoken to a couple of friends over there, and they said I can stay with them for a while.

 

[Cius]

Sorry to hear. I am normally the guy on this forum trying to persuade people to stick it out and work on their marriage as they all have ups and downs but if she could cheat on you that easy I would also lose all trust and move on. If there where kids involved it may be worth trying to reconcile but my advice is move on. Give her a reasonable deadline to move out and then stick to it. Try not be unkind in all this to her as that will only make you feel worse about it by the sound of things. That does not mean you can't be firm but fair.

All the best.

 

[rietrot]

Some other guy gave her more attention and she probably liked it.
People like being liked and receiving attention.

 

[James 77]

Sorry to hear. I am normally the guy on this forum trying to persuade people to stick it out and work on their marriage as they all have ups and downs but if she could cheat on you that easy I would also lose all trust and move on. If there where kids involved it may be worth trying to reconcile but my advice is move on. Give her a reasonable deadline to move out and then stick to it. Try not be unkind in all this to her as that will only make you feel worse about it by the sound of things. That does not mean you can't be firm but fair.

All the best.

That’s solid.
I agree, if it was anything else then I’d jump through hoops to save my marriage. But infidelity is something not worth saving. The moment she decided to start talking intimately with him, the marriage was over for her.

 

[The_Ogre]

That's one of the things about Mybb, its all fun and games but when things get serious there are many members that go out of their way to assist in the best of their abilities.

And it helps that most of us do not know each other, so our opinions aren't completely biased.

For example, I share @abzob's sentiment. Who says she did in fact sleep with someone? Perhaps this is a no-fault situation where she just wants to be with her parents and conjured up the cheating for OP to leave her.

She won't initiate divorce proceedings, that's for damn sure.

 

[Nemus]

Edit: What @abzob said...

What if there was no other guy? OP said after that fateful day, she was at home and showed no interaction with Mr B..
What if Mr B is just conjured to support her idea of creating hate to move back to parents?

Ok, done with my story time..

Sorry to hear what happened @James 77. You sound like you are level headed and I wish you all the strength to get through this. You are young, you still have much life left in you!

 

[James 77]

Some other guy gave her more attention and she probably liked it.
People like being liked and receiving attention.

I agree, the problem is. I’ve given her too much of my attention and time. She probably felt she could speak to him about her parents and not to me. Still not my fault, I’ve given her all my attention.

 

[Nemus]

Good grief, tell her to take her pie and waai!
Get this dudes number and tell him if he doesn't pick her up you're going to drop her off at his mother's house.
Read her the riot act.

Or tell his wife about it.

 

[James 77]

And it helps that most of us do not know each other, so our opinions aren't completely biased.

For example, I share @abzob's sentiment. Who says she did in fact sleep with someone? Perhaps this is a no-fault situation where she just wants to be with her parents and conjured up the cheating for OP to leave her.

She won't initiate divorce proceedings, that's for damn sure.

That’s something we speculated about as well. She says the fact that I don’t hate her makes everything a lot worse.

but even in a scenario where she might come out and say she lied there would be no reconciliation.

 

[James 77]

Good grief, tell her to take her pie and waai!
Get this dudes number and tell him if he doesn't pick her up you're going to drop her off at his mother's house.
Read her the riot act.

If the borders were open, I’d be gone. But yeah, it’s time for her to go.

 

[James 77]

Or tell his wife about it.

This is a scenario I’ve wondered about. I’ve been trying to find out who it is, but she won’t say. And there’s no signs.

 

[James 77]

Where are her parents? Too far for a greyhound ticket?

Unfortunately they stay in a very small town so I’ll put her in a taxi

 

[Kola_CT]

So, have you helped pack her bags yet?
Taxi on the way to fetch her yet?

 

[Nemus]

Unfortunately they stay in a very small town so I’ll put her in a taxi

Don't. Get in your car, load her stuff and take her yourself.
This will make you feel better and will finalise things, to a degree.
For her, you made the effort all the way to the end.
To her parents, they will see what you did for her even when she decided to leave you for them.

 

[Mekon]

It’s a very weird situation for me. I’ve tried getting help, talking to close friends etc. And she is dead set on getting a divorce to go back to her parents. And in the same breath she keeps saying he meant nothing.

But it’s true what you said. I think she thought she got something else, but it wasn’t. The grass isn’t greener.

He meant nothing......she probably used him and sleeping with him as a wedge to open a gap in your relationship. Same happened recently to a friend of mine. Wife out of the blue did the same and in her words slept with a guy so that there was something he could hold against her to change their whole relationship dynamic. Not a good space to be in.

 

[The_Ogre]

This is a scenario I’ve wondered about. I’ve been trying to find out who it is, but she won’t say. And there’s no signs.

Women like to write things down. At least my wife does.

Start there and once you have his name, go to contacts.google.com on a machine where she's logged into Google and get his number. That's if you feel like snooping around

But this begs the question, what are you going to do or say to him once you have his contact details?

 

[rietrot]

I agree, the problem is. I’ve given her too much of my attention and time. She probably felt she could speak to him about her parents and not to me. Still not my fault, I’ve given her all my attention.

The wrong kind of attention. Being too soft. Can also be bad.

Women like bad boys.

 

[Nemus]

Women like to write things down. At least my wife does.

Start there and once you have his name, go to contacts.google.com on a machine where she's logged into Google and get his number. That's if you feel like snooping around

But this begs the question, what are you going to do or say to him once you have his contact details?

He might want to know if he knows the dude..