I am having a breakdown

Only 2 things

1. Take ex to maintenance court immediately. Once maintenance is set he'll have until the 7th of each month to pay. If he fails you have the right to arrest him

2. Divorce current "husband" (he's not worth being called this). Why divorce? He WILL NOT change
You'll always have headaches, worries, be suspicious etc. In the end your love will turn into hate.

You're an independent woman. Make use of it before you go insane
 
heartbroken said:
Yes in a loving relationship, not one where the husband is away banging sloots in the back seat of your car. Allegedly.
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Unacceptable behavior! Infidelity is unacceptable. Not only is he betraying your trust and the relationship but it's a health risk (condoms or not, if you found boxes of condoms he hasn't been using them right?).

headache said:
I am totally financially independent, I am in a position where in the past (before his breakthrough in the business) used to pay some of his business expenses. so finances are not an issue here. if i walk out today, I might actually be in better position than i am with him financially.

he used to be a good guy, this behaviour just started recently. it could be due to the ex pushing to be fully involved with the child except financially of course. it could be due to his big business breakthrough. as they always say, the loyalty of a man is tested when he has everything. just speculating here cos i am failing to understand what brought up the sudden change. from a loyal husband to not sleeping home. or from spending his birthdays to spending it with girlfriends and totally leaving me out of it.
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Sounds like he's cheating, there's no justification for it. Neither is there any justification for you to remain loyal and/or married to this man.

How long have you been married to him for?

As for your ex, if he want's to have a relationship with his son he must pay his dues. Period. None negotiable!!
 
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Only real advice I can give here... don't get pregnant. I know far too many people who thought a child will save their relationships.
 
[XC] Oj101;16083222 said:
Why still sealed? Could be for at home as well?
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Then she wouldn't have mentioned if that is how they usually roll. He buys condoms in bulk for use at home.

@OP, when last were you and your husband intimate?
 
Hemi300c said:
The harsh truth is:-
1) Start preparing for a divorce
2) Start proceedings against your ex for maintenance (wasn't there an amount in your divorce settlement?)
3) Move out with your child and start living your own life.

Once things have gone wrong in a marriage it is extremely difficult to reconcile, I think he is too scared to confront his family with it and will ride you like a wave till there is no alternative.

You and your child deserve better and the little one needs to be in a happy environment.
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I'll go with that. Best advice here.
 
Sinbad said:
The maintenance thing also makes me feel that your current husband is a serious control freak and doesn't want you to have any form of independance whatsoever.

However your feelings of bitterness towards your ex around the "benefits" of having a kid should not bear here. I reiterate that the maintenance is for YOUR CHILD, not you.
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I must chime in here. As the child of a mother that struggled to get maintenance out of her ex-husband. It is not that clear cut. As the mother, she wants the best for her child. So when the child needs sports equipment, or stationary, or school clothes and being fed well and going to movies with friends (pocket money) and a whole list of other things. The person that ultimately spends that money is the mother. All that money comes out of her pocket. And not wanting her child to go without, she provides everything for that child, to her own detriment.

So while the money is 'for' the child, the lack of it being paid, is picked up by and ultimately negatively impacts the mother, which negatively impacts the child, who has an overly stressed "nurturer" at home.


@OP.

**** your new husband. Not literally. Figuratively get rid of his ass. Your mental health is as important to raising your child well, as any other aspect. But first and foremost, file those maintenance papers asap.

It can get tricky, as by rights you should be able to withhold the "benefits" if they are not being paid for. But it is just not that simple with a child. He still has to go to his dad and all the drama must be kept behind the scenes as much as possible.
 
Stacey is that you posting about us likr this?...

Jokes aside. Walk away. He is not good for you. Single parenthood is not hard, so many strong woman like yourself do it daily.
 
SoulTax said:
I must chime in here. As the child of a mother that struggled to get maintenance out of her ex-husband. It is not that clear cut. As the mother, she wants the best for her child. So when the child needs sports equipment, or stationary, or school clothes and being fed well and going to movies with friends (pocket money) and a whole list of other things. The person that ultimately spends that money is the mother. All that money comes out of her pocket. And not wanting her child to go without, she provides everything for that child, to her own detriment.

So while the money is 'for' the child, the lack of it being paid, is picked up by and ultimately negatively impacts the mother, which negatively impacts the child, who has an overly stressed "nurturer" at home.


@OP.

**** your new husband. Not literally. Figuratively get rid of his ass. Your mental health is as important to raising your child well, as any other aspect. But first and foremost, file those maintenance papers asap.

It can get tricky, as by rights you should be able to withhold the "benefits" if they are not being paid for. But it is just not that simple with a child. He still has to go to his dad and all the drama must be kept behind the scenes as much as possible.
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Wait. You are a woman :wtf:
 
[XC] Oj101;16083338 said:
A suspicious mind will find suspicion where there is none.
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Fair enough but TWO boxes. Come on mate.
Married people don't have that much sex :p
 
BeatBot said:
Stacey is that you posting about us likr this?...

Jokes aside. Walk away. He is not good for you. Single parenthood is not hard, so many strong woman like yourself do it daily.
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????
 
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