Marriage/Relationship Advice

[TelkomUseless]

In community

Pro Tip. Don't piss of the current wife. If you want divorce, go for it. Try to settle out of court.

If you piss her off... say cheers to 50% plus... (court fees, lawyer fees etc).

By hanging with the other girl you are asking for an expensive divorce.

 

[FlippyCake]

Pro Tip. Don't piss of the current wife. If you want divorce, go for it. Try to settle out of court.

If you piss her off... say cheers to 50% plus... (court fees, lawyer fees etc).

By hanging with the other girl you are asking for an expensive divorce.

I hear you....FML......from rosy and great to this **** in less than a year.

 

[The Darkness]

I know and I took my vows seriously, even though it sounds like I am ready to drop everything for this other woman.

She has noticed the lack of intimacy and I have been honest about her body, told her I appreciate the effort and all credit due she does look amazing, I just don't like woman who are that toned and she has always known this. She understands where I am coming from but keep raising the bar at gym, so much so she has been competing at cross fit events

As proven time & time again, wedding vows mean nothing. Been to too many second weddings to believe in these vows people make.
Sorry to be the one to say this, but you sound completely self-absorbed and selfish. Luckily she didn't get some terminal illness or have an accident and become disfigured. "For better or worse" obviously flew over your head. Your wife decides to make a health-life choice with HER body, and you reject her? If I were you you might want to speak to a professional, as I think there's something here underlying all of this.
And this younger girl you're after. Won't last. It's basic infatuation. You have a deeper issue to address, and honestly, for the sake of your own integrity, take things slowly here and make honest decisions.
Good luck.

 

[backstreetboy]

Lol married someone 8 years younger and it's not working out now you want to date someone 12 years younger.

 

[clickingbuttons]

We'll need to see some pictures of your wife to accurately describe what steps you need to take

 

[FlippyCake]

As proven time & time again, wedding vows mean nothing. Been to too many second weddings to believe in these vows people make.
Sorry to be the one to say this, but you sound completely self-absorbed and selfish. Luckily she didn't get some terminal illness or have an accident and become disfigured. "For better or worse" obviously flew over your head. Your wife decides to make a health-life choice with HER body, and you reject her? If I were you you might want to speak to a professional, as I think there's something here underlying all of this.
And this younger girl you're after. Won't last. It's basic infatuation. You have a deeper issue to address, and honestly, for the sake of your own integrity, take things slowly here and make honest decisions.
Good luck.

I don't dispute that this comes across as me being selfish, hence my need to get some opinions on it.

As far as the terminal illness or disfigured part, I would be there without a doubt.

With another woman making me feel things I have never felt after my wife dropped a bomb shell on me that she wants a divorce out of nowhere, surely you can understand it from my side? Not saying I am right by any means but is it not slightly understandable?

As for her health-life choices we have both always been healthy and active, if ever I got a beer boep she would tell me and then I worked harder at running to make it better, if I was leaning out too much from running and she told me I would strike a balance, is it then wrong of me to say to her that she is getting rather muscular?

 

[FlippyCake]

Lol married someone 8 years younger and it's not working out now you want to date someone 12 years younger.

Lol, its not about the age here, well for me at least, just putting it out there to give as much info as possible. Funny enough, the chick who is 12 years younger has her head screwed on better than my wife.

 

[FlippyCake]

We'll need to see some pictures of your wife to accurately describe what steps you need to take

 

[Mike Hoxbig]

We'll need to see some pictures of your wife to accurately describe what steps you need to take

Before and after the lesbian makeover.

Also pics of the new girl for comparison...

 

[FlippyCake]

Before and after the lesbian makeover.

Also pics of the new girl for comparison...

I don't have a death wish here

New woman body wise is exactly what my wife was before she started building muscle.

I really give her kudos for her determination and success at gym, I just don't find her body as attractive anymore.

 

[Craig_]

So our marriage is back on track to a point. With her working away so much and spending her life at gym we get very little time together, I also work late nights most days. Our sex life has dipped dramatically, one reason is because I am finding her less attractive, we went from having sex 4 to 5 times a week to maybe once every 3 weeks. I also feel like we have this huge distance between us now, we no longer like the same things, I am still the person I was but she has changed a lot down to her tastes in movies and music.

So one day I meet this chick...….and every little fibre in my body stands up and I feel things I have NEVER felt in my life before, so much so I cant find words to describe them, but they feel great.

While I also don't like muscular women in theory, a lean lady that works on her body can be very sexy. Once you really love a person the looks anyway doesn't matter that much anymore (unless she gains a ton of weight). My SO also gained a bit of weight at some stage of our marriage, barely noticed it because it doesn't really matter. I also went through stages of gaining a crap load of weight and then losing it all after an op and being skinny (soos in sieklik maer), and she stuck by me through it all.

So try to not be to fixated on looks, girl 2 can also change quickly, it can take something small as a sudden illness and she gains a lot of weight, or loses a lot, will you then also not feel attracted to her anymore?

I know and I took my vows seriously, even though it sounds like I am ready to drop everything for this other woman.

She has noticed the lack of intimacy and I have been honest about her body, told her I appreciate the effort and all credit due she does look amazing, I just don't like woman who are that toned and she has always known this. She understands where I am coming from but keep raising the bar at gym, so much so she has been competing at cross fit events

Without this other woman in the picture, would you still have wanted out? If not, don't be to hasty. My SO have both asked each other for a divorce multiple times over the last almost 9 years, but in the end that was just really bad dips, some lasting for many months, but if both are willing to work on it you should at least try.

We like to feel attractive, and admired, by someone we are attracted to, and admire. You don't feel that for and from your wife at the moment.

Bare in mind that you probably won't always feel the way you do about chick two. Ask yourself if you want to repeat this cycle until you either settle for whatever you can get or die alone.

Work on your marriage until you are sure it can't be fixed. Marriages will always have ups and downs and if you're willing to bail before you're sure it can't be fixed, you deserve to die alone.

While you're saying it very harshly, you are not wrong. Agree with all that you said here. Marriage isn't easy.

 

[Nick333]

Lol how exactly? She would never admit it if it were true.

See what I said about creating trust. I'm guessing she doesn't trust you, or your families enough to tell you the truth. I'm saying work on building trust between you if nothing else. If she is gay, and at least tells you, you will feel better for knowing, if not you may still have a marriage worth saving.

Look you could just say fcck it and go for a divorce, but I think your best bet will always be trying to be better friends to each other regardless.

My ex told me that she'd cheated about 5 seconds after we'd decided to part ways. In other words as soon as I couldn't use it against her anymore. Maybe if we didn't have a relationship where we were using each others wrong doings against each other we could have fixed things instead. It didn't matter to me at that point to be honest, but in retrospect the whole break up was relatively amicable.

Just remember that you will have ups and downs in all your relationships, so it will always be best to try fix things before moving on to the next "better" thing.

 

[FlippyCake]

Just to put it out there, when I say my wife cut her hair short I don't mean like super short, but she did it for gym, it went from just above her bum to shoulder length, and the only way she ever wears her hair now is tied back tightly in a small bun, gelled down

 

[Former member 61586]

Oh and FYI, the new chick and I have been for coffee once at work and are going out for lunch this week.....she just has something over me. I will not cheat on my wife, its just lunch together. Sounds farked I know

this is cheating. No sympathy here. Be a man and end it with your wife if you want another woman.

 

[RedViking]

The problem is that marriage, accountability and faithfulness means nothing in todays society. You are just another one part of the statistics.

Happy April Fools!

 

[Mike Hoxbig]

this is cheating.

Unless she had sausage for lunch, I don't see it...

 

[FlippyCake]

While I also don't like muscular women in theory, a lean lady that works on her body can be very sexy. Once you really love a person the looks anyway doesn't matter that much anymore (unless she gains a ton of weight). My SO also gained a bit of weight at some stage of our marriage, barely noticed it because it doesn't really matter. I also went through stages of gaining a crap load of weight and then losing it all after an op and being skinny (soos in sieklik maer), and she stuck by me through it all.

So try to not be to fixated on looks, girl 2 can also change quickly, it can take something small as a sudden illness and she gains a lot of weight, or loses a lot, will you then also not feel attracted to her anymore?



Without this other woman in the picture, would you still have wanted out? If not, don't be to hasty. My SO have both asked each other for a divorce multiple times over the last almost 9 years, but in the end that was just really bad dips, some lasting for many months, but if both are willing to work on it you should at least try.




While you're saying it very harshly, you are not wrong. Agree with all that you said here. Marriage isn't easy.

Marriage is not easy, never expected it to be easy.

Thing is a toned body, yeah sure, a few extra kg's of course, but the way she has built muscle has added a masculine look to her overall body, she has huge traps, biceps getting bigger and is now working on a 6 pack, I know some guys love that but its not for me, sex sometimes feels akward when hands are running everywhere and where it all used to be toned is now muscle.....

 

[Craig_]

Marriage is not easy, never expected it to be easy.

Thing is a toned body, yeah sure, a few extra kg's of course, but the way she has built muscle has added a masculine look to her overall body, she has huge traps, biceps getting bigger and is now working on a 6 pack, I know some guys love that but its not for me, sex sometimes feels akward when hands are running everywhere and where it all used to be toned is now muscle.....

Maybe you should take a stock photo from the net to illustrate this, all I'm seeing in my mind is a well toned body from your description.

If it's really bad I might actually fully understand this.

 

[FlippyCake]

See what I said about creating trust. I'm guessing she doesn't trust you, or your families enough to tell you the truth. I'm saying work on building trust between you if nothing else. If she is gay, and at least tells you, you will feel better for knowing, if not you may still have a marriage worth saving.

Look you could just say fcck it and go for a divorce, but I think your best bet will always be trying to be better friends to each other regardless.

My ex told me that she'd cheated about 5 seconds after we'd decided to part ways. In other words as soon as I couldn't use it against her anymore. Maybe if we didn't have a relationship where we were using each others wrong doings against each other we could have fixed things instead. It didn't matter to me at that point to be honest, but in retrospect the whole break up was relatively amicable.

Just remember that you will have ups and downs in all your relationships, so it will always be best to try fix things before moving on to the next "better" thing.

In all honesty I don't think she is actually gay, slighty bi, who knows.

She decided to say fcck it last year and want to throw everything away on what to me seems to have been a whim.

If we do go down the divorce route I would def want it to end as amicably as possible, I don't want to hurt her on purpose. I hate making enemies, especially with people I have shared so much in life with, its just not worth it.

 

[Nick333]

Maybe you should take a stock photo from the net to illustrate this, all I'm seeing in my mind is a well toned body from your description.

If it's really bad I might actually fully understand this.

To be fair, our opinions don't count. If its a turn off for him it's a turn off for him. You can't convince someone to find something sexy.