http://www.moneyweb.co.za/mw/view/mw/en/page308844?oid=315555&sn=2009+Detail
Forget the "world-class African city" hype, Jozi may be too close to Hell for comfort.
Times are so hard financially, I've abandoned my ambitions to relocate somewhere exotic like London, Barcelona, San Francisco or Melbourne. It's cheaper and easier to hire a trailer, pack my car and trek south-east of Johannesburg to Heidelberg.
This small Gauteng town has a pretty backdrop, intriguing old buildings, less crime and grime, a laidback ambience, friendly residents and municipal services that appear clean and reliable. Heidelberg may lack the beauty of Cape Town, Knysna or Franschhoek, but it has rustic charm and tranquillity.
Why am I raving about a town that's best-known for hosting a museum of vintage and veteran cars? Because I've reached a crisis point where I loathe Johannesburg's mounting flaws more than I admire its declining attractions.
Over the last 20 years, the Johannesburg cityscape has deteriorated so rapidly in many disconcerting ways, it's difficult not to be overwhelmed by profound feelings of disgust and disdain. Forget the endearing Zulu nickname, Egoli, or the hipper moniker, Jozi. Let's rename South Africa's business capital and largest city "Junkburg", "Grimeville", "Hellburg", "Trashtown", "Johazardousburg" or something more appropriate.
Our city fathers enjoy reminding us Johannesburg is a "world-class African city". Mayor Amos Masondo, that is an oxymoron.
Thabo Mbeki, in a rare moment of presidential candour, suggested (I recollect) we rebrand South Africa because the world envisages "calamity" whenever it hears the word "Africa". Worse, "world class" has become one of the most hackneyed terms in business and politics, and has little to do with most things African.
When I read "world-class city", I imagine one with many aesthetically pleasing facets, cutting-edge technologies, fair and efficient crime prevention and law enforcement, a bustling arts scene, world-renowned institutions of learning, many tourist destinations, top-notch infrastructure and facilities, and well-maintained roads, public transport and parks.
It's tragic, but perhaps apt, that our civic custodians continue to imbue our city's visual branding with a silhouetted "icon" of the Hillbrow Tower, a superstructure that is stark and unmoving. If this concrete telecoms facility symbolises or encapsulates the ethos of our city, then our urban bosses need to undertake serious research into what constitutes a metropolitan icon.
Chicago and New York have long been bastions of innovative architecture, not to forget the homes of fertile music scenes and pacesetting businesses. London is energising, captivating and loaded with recreational and retail attractions. Berlin boasts enchantment, architectural splendour and intriguing history. Prague's beauty can arouse a grown man's tear ducts and create indelible memories.
One can cite other exceptional cities, including Barcelona, Paris, Amsterdam, Salzburg, Stockholm, Moscow, Sydney, Rio de Janeiro, San Francisco and Vancouver. Some of these have squalid areas, decaying buildings, vagrants and criminals, but they have greater allure than our City of Fool's Gold.
Seedy and ugly
Junkburg's (s)inner city pavements are filthy. The vile stench of urine and the increase in dilapidated buildings are shocking. The once-gracious Rissik Street Post Office is now forlorn, as are other irreplaceable heritage buildings. Indiscreet building owners "condomise" their monstrosities in advertising wraps as if we are not already media-overexposed.
Ignorant minibus-taxi drivers flaunt the law with pandemic indifference. Ubiquitous hawkers ("entrepreneurs" in politically preferred parlance) hog scarce pavement areas with carefree entitlement to peddle cheap goods while blindly dumping their trash. Mindless graffiti writers "tag" and "bomb" with impunity road furniture and buildings.
Too many of Jozi's roads are potholed and need resurfacing and re-marking for safety and aesthetics. Street island gardens and grassed roadside areas often are abandoned or poorly maintained. Many street signs are missing and damaged, while some street names are indecipherable.
Litterbugs pollute our roadsides and parks with cancerous intent, while car-struck streetlamp posts and traffic-light poles lean unrepaired. Indiscriminate scrap merchants steal the city's manhole covers, but no one seems concerned about the subsequent traffic risks.
In 29 years as a Junkburger, I have not seen a city official admonish anyone, or issue a spot fine, for littering. The officials in blue find it more lucrative to hide on bridges and under trees to penalise drivers for exceeding the speed limit by a few kilometres an hour, while they accumulate excess kilos.
In leafy suburbia, where Joburgers can derive pride and pleasure in co-owning the world's largest human-nurtured forest (based on satellite imagery), we are greeted by oversized billboards and a deluge of posters, a few of which require skilful comment should your inquisitive child ask a few delicate questions.
Uncaring citizens liberally dump their building and garden waste outside waste-disposal sites, in parks, alongside rivers, on vacant stands and on pavements outside homes. Now that our landmark mine dumps are making way for grotesque warehouses, factories and shopping centres, builders and property developers are promoting new urban beacons in the form of weed-infested rubble mounds. Bricks, chunks of cement, beverage cans and plastic bags are choking sections of the Jukskei River and its contributory streams.
One has not even begun to touch on unsightly and poorly maintained government buildings and facilities. Then there is the persisting saga of rampant crime, corrupt and inept officials, underage prostitution, poor municipal and retail service, and atrocious driving, among other symptoms of our escalating urban malaise.
Beyond window dressing
We shall soon host the FIFA 2010 World Cup. What kind of image will our city project? And what will the influx of multinational tourists think of Joburgers and their shoddy environs? Facile window-dressing in the Ellis Park-Bertrams precinct falls too short of what must be done to transform Joburg into a celebrated world city.
Why don't the mayor and his cronies climb down from their sun-blessed ivory tower on Civic Hill, take greater interest in their city and learn from some of the world's best city custodians. Many high-profile city leaders outside Africa in recent years (among them Ken Livingston, former Lord Mayor of London) should have precious insights to share.
Besides enforcing city by-laws, especially those introduced to counter urban decay, littering and pollution (including visual and aural forms), the city's leaders need to mastermind a few brilliant and practicable solutions to make Johannesburg safer, cleaner, aesthetically pleasing and welcoming to residents and visitors alike. Imaginative ideas must extend beyond repainting worn road markings, scrubbing grimy pavements, demolishing abandoned buildings and removing illegal advertising hoardings, as well as feeble attempts to mosaic a few freeway columns and walls.
The key is to examine the deeper spirits and mindsets of Joburgers, who collectively have created one of the friendliest cities and most robust urban economies in the southern hemisphere. Joburgers tend to be energetic, inspired, hard-working and go-getting people. We cannot be starved of implementable ideas to rejuvenate, enliven and beautify our city and make it Africa's most prized inland urban gem.
One solution might be placing a moratorium on the construction of new buildings in the greater CBD for a few years, while providing ample financial and tax incentives to encourage landlords and property developers to renovate and upgrade existing buildings and infrastructure.
It's time to clean our city and rekindle a profound sense of civic pride and urban aesthetics. Once we start to create a good-looking and well-managed city, we'll be better positioned to develop a broad spectrum of feel-good activities and events such as trendsetting arts festivals, music concerts, sports competitions, international conferences, science festivals, architectural and design competitions, fundraising drives and urban greening programmes.
If we want to wow the world next year by being an exemplary global city, we had better start moving fast with more than a few compelling ideas and bold plans (and minimal rhetoric and politicking).
Columnist's note: This column is not a definitive overview of the state of Johannesburg. One cannot adequately address all the intricate and wide-ranging issues of urban decline and dysfunctional social and economic systems in a column of this nature.
*Michael Waddacor has been a versatile journalist, writer and music critic since 1979.
Forget the "world-class African city" hype, Jozi may be too close to Hell for comfort.
Times are so hard financially, I've abandoned my ambitions to relocate somewhere exotic like London, Barcelona, San Francisco or Melbourne. It's cheaper and easier to hire a trailer, pack my car and trek south-east of Johannesburg to Heidelberg.
This small Gauteng town has a pretty backdrop, intriguing old buildings, less crime and grime, a laidback ambience, friendly residents and municipal services that appear clean and reliable. Heidelberg may lack the beauty of Cape Town, Knysna or Franschhoek, but it has rustic charm and tranquillity.
Why am I raving about a town that's best-known for hosting a museum of vintage and veteran cars? Because I've reached a crisis point where I loathe Johannesburg's mounting flaws more than I admire its declining attractions.
Over the last 20 years, the Johannesburg cityscape has deteriorated so rapidly in many disconcerting ways, it's difficult not to be overwhelmed by profound feelings of disgust and disdain. Forget the endearing Zulu nickname, Egoli, or the hipper moniker, Jozi. Let's rename South Africa's business capital and largest city "Junkburg", "Grimeville", "Hellburg", "Trashtown", "Johazardousburg" or something more appropriate.
Our city fathers enjoy reminding us Johannesburg is a "world-class African city". Mayor Amos Masondo, that is an oxymoron.
Thabo Mbeki, in a rare moment of presidential candour, suggested (I recollect) we rebrand South Africa because the world envisages "calamity" whenever it hears the word "Africa". Worse, "world class" has become one of the most hackneyed terms in business and politics, and has little to do with most things African.
When I read "world-class city", I imagine one with many aesthetically pleasing facets, cutting-edge technologies, fair and efficient crime prevention and law enforcement, a bustling arts scene, world-renowned institutions of learning, many tourist destinations, top-notch infrastructure and facilities, and well-maintained roads, public transport and parks.
It's tragic, but perhaps apt, that our civic custodians continue to imbue our city's visual branding with a silhouetted "icon" of the Hillbrow Tower, a superstructure that is stark and unmoving. If this concrete telecoms facility symbolises or encapsulates the ethos of our city, then our urban bosses need to undertake serious research into what constitutes a metropolitan icon.
Chicago and New York have long been bastions of innovative architecture, not to forget the homes of fertile music scenes and pacesetting businesses. London is energising, captivating and loaded with recreational and retail attractions. Berlin boasts enchantment, architectural splendour and intriguing history. Prague's beauty can arouse a grown man's tear ducts and create indelible memories.
One can cite other exceptional cities, including Barcelona, Paris, Amsterdam, Salzburg, Stockholm, Moscow, Sydney, Rio de Janeiro, San Francisco and Vancouver. Some of these have squalid areas, decaying buildings, vagrants and criminals, but they have greater allure than our City of Fool's Gold.
Seedy and ugly
Junkburg's (s)inner city pavements are filthy. The vile stench of urine and the increase in dilapidated buildings are shocking. The once-gracious Rissik Street Post Office is now forlorn, as are other irreplaceable heritage buildings. Indiscreet building owners "condomise" their monstrosities in advertising wraps as if we are not already media-overexposed.
Ignorant minibus-taxi drivers flaunt the law with pandemic indifference. Ubiquitous hawkers ("entrepreneurs" in politically preferred parlance) hog scarce pavement areas with carefree entitlement to peddle cheap goods while blindly dumping their trash. Mindless graffiti writers "tag" and "bomb" with impunity road furniture and buildings.
Too many of Jozi's roads are potholed and need resurfacing and re-marking for safety and aesthetics. Street island gardens and grassed roadside areas often are abandoned or poorly maintained. Many street signs are missing and damaged, while some street names are indecipherable.
Litterbugs pollute our roadsides and parks with cancerous intent, while car-struck streetlamp posts and traffic-light poles lean unrepaired. Indiscriminate scrap merchants steal the city's manhole covers, but no one seems concerned about the subsequent traffic risks.
In 29 years as a Junkburger, I have not seen a city official admonish anyone, or issue a spot fine, for littering. The officials in blue find it more lucrative to hide on bridges and under trees to penalise drivers for exceeding the speed limit by a few kilometres an hour, while they accumulate excess kilos.
In leafy suburbia, where Joburgers can derive pride and pleasure in co-owning the world's largest human-nurtured forest (based on satellite imagery), we are greeted by oversized billboards and a deluge of posters, a few of which require skilful comment should your inquisitive child ask a few delicate questions.
Uncaring citizens liberally dump their building and garden waste outside waste-disposal sites, in parks, alongside rivers, on vacant stands and on pavements outside homes. Now that our landmark mine dumps are making way for grotesque warehouses, factories and shopping centres, builders and property developers are promoting new urban beacons in the form of weed-infested rubble mounds. Bricks, chunks of cement, beverage cans and plastic bags are choking sections of the Jukskei River and its contributory streams.
One has not even begun to touch on unsightly and poorly maintained government buildings and facilities. Then there is the persisting saga of rampant crime, corrupt and inept officials, underage prostitution, poor municipal and retail service, and atrocious driving, among other symptoms of our escalating urban malaise.
Beyond window dressing
We shall soon host the FIFA 2010 World Cup. What kind of image will our city project? And what will the influx of multinational tourists think of Joburgers and their shoddy environs? Facile window-dressing in the Ellis Park-Bertrams precinct falls too short of what must be done to transform Joburg into a celebrated world city.
Why don't the mayor and his cronies climb down from their sun-blessed ivory tower on Civic Hill, take greater interest in their city and learn from some of the world's best city custodians. Many high-profile city leaders outside Africa in recent years (among them Ken Livingston, former Lord Mayor of London) should have precious insights to share.
Besides enforcing city by-laws, especially those introduced to counter urban decay, littering and pollution (including visual and aural forms), the city's leaders need to mastermind a few brilliant and practicable solutions to make Johannesburg safer, cleaner, aesthetically pleasing and welcoming to residents and visitors alike. Imaginative ideas must extend beyond repainting worn road markings, scrubbing grimy pavements, demolishing abandoned buildings and removing illegal advertising hoardings, as well as feeble attempts to mosaic a few freeway columns and walls.
The key is to examine the deeper spirits and mindsets of Joburgers, who collectively have created one of the friendliest cities and most robust urban economies in the southern hemisphere. Joburgers tend to be energetic, inspired, hard-working and go-getting people. We cannot be starved of implementable ideas to rejuvenate, enliven and beautify our city and make it Africa's most prized inland urban gem.
One solution might be placing a moratorium on the construction of new buildings in the greater CBD for a few years, while providing ample financial and tax incentives to encourage landlords and property developers to renovate and upgrade existing buildings and infrastructure.
It's time to clean our city and rekindle a profound sense of civic pride and urban aesthetics. Once we start to create a good-looking and well-managed city, we'll be better positioned to develop a broad spectrum of feel-good activities and events such as trendsetting arts festivals, music concerts, sports competitions, international conferences, science festivals, architectural and design competitions, fundraising drives and urban greening programmes.
If we want to wow the world next year by being an exemplary global city, we had better start moving fast with more than a few compelling ideas and bold plans (and minimal rhetoric and politicking).
Columnist's note: This column is not a definitive overview of the state of Johannesburg. One cannot adequately address all the intricate and wide-ranging issues of urban decline and dysfunctional social and economic systems in a column of this nature.
*Michael Waddacor has been a versatile journalist, writer and music critic since 1979.