I've been wondering about something for a while now. It's very clear to see that bad experiences as a child can cause a low self esteem. Is it possible to brake free of the curse? I feel like I've got a sword hanging over me and that no matter what I do, my feelings of inferiority will always follow me like a shadow. Anybody been through something like this and came out okay in the long run?
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Light at the end of the tunnel?
- Thread starter chrissy
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Kornhub
Blackburn Fan
Explain what you have been through and I hope I can help -PM me .
Maddmatt
Expert Member
High school pretty much killed my self confidence.
Gained it back over the years after high school, far from where I want it to be but I'm improving.
So yea, you'll come out fine once you get away from the crap. You need to make a bit of an effort though.
Gained it back over the years after high school, far from where I want it to be but I'm improving.
So yea, you'll come out fine once you get away from the crap. You need to make a bit of an effort though.
killadoob
Honorary Master
You will always feel inferior as long as you tell yourself that you are. Stop talking about how inferior you feel and your childhood made you feel this way. You are no longer a child. Confidence is the most important part, Wake up and stop thinking about your problems. Wake up and say F me i am the most amazing person on the planet. Not easy to do this and it takes time and effort but eventually you will talk yourself into believing it. Look at your positives because believe me no matter how much you tell yourself there are no positives there are always positives.
You could always keep going on about how inferior you feel but i doubt that is going to get you anywhere. Your feelings don't follow you, you follow your feelings. You keep thinking you are inferior and guess what? you now feel inferior
You could always keep going on about how inferior you feel but i doubt that is going to get you anywhere. Your feelings don't follow you, you follow your feelings. You keep thinking you are inferior and guess what? you now feel inferior
You must have been successful at something in your life. Meditate on the winning feeling that accompanied this success. Lie down, close your eyes, and vividly imagine the success and how it made you feel. Easier said than done I know but it's a start.
Cadavre777
Expert Member
You need to get to a point where you tell yourself enough is enough. Once you decide to not let previous incidents dictate who you are and what you are capable, you find strenghts in yourself you never knew you had. Moving to another town wont help, people are too connected, and someone will recognise you, you will be surrounded by a new set of faces to feel inferior around. Better the devil you know than the one you don't.
When YOU decide to stop taking nonsence, that is when people (and yourself) stop being able to hurt you. Best of luck to you!
When YOU decide to stop taking nonsence, that is when people (and yourself) stop being able to hurt you. Best of luck to you!
chrissy there is absolutely nothing you did wrong. you were a child and whatever happened was not your fault. i learned to accept this years ago. some of us go through things that we have no control over and until you can accept this and move on you will forever be stuck in this deep pit of depression. moving to another town will not help it will move with you. it's time to put it behind you and do things for yourself and accomplish your goals in life. only you can do this no one else can do it for you. prove to yourself that you are worthy and lift your head up and live life to the full now.
BLIXEMPIE
Honorary Master
First of all, everyone, "brake" is a thing you use to stop your car, or the action of stopping your car. "Break" is the word you guys are searching for.
Secondly, I was bullied and broken down throughout my school years, and at home I was placed in a very small bubble, but once I got out of school everything just changed. From a teen with zero self-confidence, to a guy who can take on anything. I can socialize with almost every kind of person, and I will make myself go out and do the things I want to do without worrying about what anyone else thinks of me. I have so much confidence now that I was called arrogant the other day, and it didn't even bother me. All it takes is a change of mindset. I know it's easier said than done, and it all comes with time, but once you have that "fsck the world" mentality life gets a whole lot easier on you.
Secondly, I was bullied and broken down throughout my school years, and at home I was placed in a very small bubble, but once I got out of school everything just changed. From a teen with zero self-confidence, to a guy who can take on anything. I can socialize with almost every kind of person, and I will make myself go out and do the things I want to do without worrying about what anyone else thinks of me. I have so much confidence now that I was called arrogant the other day, and it didn't even bother me. All it takes is a change of mindset. I know it's easier said than done, and it all comes with time, but once you have that "fsck the world" mentality life gets a whole lot easier on you.
Maddmatt
Expert Member
Nah, the best thing is getting new friends and just finding ways to enjoy life.
killadoob
Honorary Master
Not true at all, it means you have not dealt with your feeling and they will just resurface.
ttygt
Expert Member
It is not a "curse". Inferiority stems from being made to feel insecure.
Yes you can improve the way you perceive life. BUT you need help.
1. You need to talk to a professional (in my experience, not somebody related to organized religion)
2. You need to take steps to experience new/different things.
Posting here shows that you are willing to help yourself/be helped.
ps. What you feel is normal for many people - you are not the exception!
Yes you can improve the way you perceive life. BUT you need help.
1. You need to talk to a professional (in my experience, not somebody related to organized religion)
2. You need to take steps to experience new/different things.
Posting here shows that you are willing to help yourself/be helped.
ps. What you feel is normal for many people - you are not the exception!
SoulTax
Executive Member
It can turn out alright in the end. But its not something that will just magically happen just because of time. You need to make that change in yourself, nobody will make it for you. My change happened between std 7 and std 8 Grade 9 and 10 for the younger members. I moved schools, from one boarding school to another. I found life at the one Boarding school really tough. Low self esteem, no real pull with the ladies as I was far too shy to attempt even talking to one on my own. Things were looking grim.
Then when I had to move schools I made up my mind over the december holidays to turn myself around. I got a new haircut (Lame I know, but it helps to have a different look about yourself when you are trying to reprogram your own self image), focussed on the things that I was really good at, for me it was one or 2 sports. I played them at clubs over the holidays. I woke up every morning and looked at myself in the mirror and said things to boost my confidence. I forced myself to look people in the eye. Not with an intimidating look, but with a pleasant disarming look. I walked with confidence and a smile, even if it was 50% fake. I made sure to spark up a conversation with everyone that I was forced to interact with, regardless of how trivial the conversation was. Person behind the till while they scan your items, someone in a queue behind or infront of me.
Then when I started at the new school I was dangerously close to falling back into my low self esteem state. I forced myself through the first few days. Looking back on it, it all seems like it was so easy. The truth is, once you make the change, it actually all does become that easy.
I actually met some of the people from my old school at a house party a year or 2 later. I was there with one of the old friends who invited me. I walked in, greeted people, smiled, chatted and turned into the centre of the party because I found that I have a talent for storytelling. Not one of the old schoolmates treated me as inferior, simply because I did not think of myself as inferior. Although it was 2 years apart, for them it was an instant thing because the last memory they had of me was the shy, low self esteem person that they knew. It was a really good feeling for me.
Ultimately, although your exact situation may be different regarding, age, situation in life, people around you, things that you are good at, etc... You can still do something similar. Wake up every day and smile at yourself in the mirror, do something that you enjoy, with people that you have fun with. Smile confidently and walk confidently and soon you will see that it happens naturally.
But time is not the factor here, its all about attitude. Time simply just is. You can get to the local shops only by taking action, how much time you take to get there depends on the mode of transport and or the effort you put in to get there, not how much time goes by. Same thing applies here. The harder you work at it, the sooner it will happen for you. Dont wait for time to fix something that you can fix with an attitude adjustment.
It may be harder to pull off without a location change, but if you focus on the things that are holding you back, you will never be able to see the good things that are trying to pull you forward.
Then when I had to move schools I made up my mind over the december holidays to turn myself around. I got a new haircut (Lame I know, but it helps to have a different look about yourself when you are trying to reprogram your own self image), focussed on the things that I was really good at, for me it was one or 2 sports. I played them at clubs over the holidays. I woke up every morning and looked at myself in the mirror and said things to boost my confidence. I forced myself to look people in the eye. Not with an intimidating look, but with a pleasant disarming look. I walked with confidence and a smile, even if it was 50% fake. I made sure to spark up a conversation with everyone that I was forced to interact with, regardless of how trivial the conversation was. Person behind the till while they scan your items, someone in a queue behind or infront of me.
Then when I started at the new school I was dangerously close to falling back into my low self esteem state. I forced myself through the first few days. Looking back on it, it all seems like it was so easy. The truth is, once you make the change, it actually all does become that easy.
I actually met some of the people from my old school at a house party a year or 2 later. I was there with one of the old friends who invited me. I walked in, greeted people, smiled, chatted and turned into the centre of the party because I found that I have a talent for storytelling. Not one of the old schoolmates treated me as inferior, simply because I did not think of myself as inferior. Although it was 2 years apart, for them it was an instant thing because the last memory they had of me was the shy, low self esteem person that they knew. It was a really good feeling for me.
Ultimately, although your exact situation may be different regarding, age, situation in life, people around you, things that you are good at, etc... You can still do something similar. Wake up every day and smile at yourself in the mirror, do something that you enjoy, with people that you have fun with. Smile confidently and walk confidently and soon you will see that it happens naturally.
But time is not the factor here, its all about attitude. Time simply just is. You can get to the local shops only by taking action, how much time you take to get there depends on the mode of transport and or the effort you put in to get there, not how much time goes by. Same thing applies here. The harder you work at it, the sooner it will happen for you. Dont wait for time to fix something that you can fix with an attitude adjustment.
It may be harder to pull off without a location change, but if you focus on the things that are holding you back, you will never be able to see the good things that are trying to pull you forward.
Thanks everyone. Will read the book, if I can get hold of it. I understand that I mustn’t let my past determine my future. On the first of January this year I cut my hair(home job since all the shops were closed), it made a big difference about how I feel about myself. I’ll try to start wearing make-up to begin with. And make better eye contact when I speak with someone. I’ve realized that my son doesn’t make eye contact when he speaks with me or other people. I’m scared my low self esteem will have a negative influence on him in the long run.
At least I understand that until I sort out my own head and emotions, staying single is the better option. Psychologist(from reading, not seeing one) have put the idea in my head that the past will reflect in the future. But I’ll try to break down the boundaries, fight negative thoughts, and have hope for the future.
At least I understand that until I sort out my own head and emotions, staying single is the better option. Psychologist(from reading, not seeing one) have put the idea in my head that the past will reflect in the future. But I’ll try to break down the boundaries, fight negative thoughts, and have hope for the future.