transparency with your SO - how healthy is it exactly? where do you draw the line?

techead

techead

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I often think about this.

Where do you draw the line between keeping the transparency with your SO and not being anal and telling them each and everything that happens.

I've drawn a line in the sand as to what should be shared vs what should not, to try and keep things healthy.

Women generally tell us men that we need to be absolutely honest/truthful/transparent with them. I question how healthy this really is though. I mean, they THINK they want this... but I would summon a guess that most women cannot handle this level of honesty.

I just got hit on by an attractive, petite blond sales lady. I could have dont anything I wanted to but I gave her the bat :whistle: Do you tell all to the SO at the good chance of building her insecurity(bad), or do you tell all to the SO at the slim chance it will go down well and that you are maintaining the transparency in the relationship? (good)

thoughts?
 
My SO tells me to look behind when i look and sometimes she even tells me some girl is looking

but when i see other guys looking i smile
 
Meh...my SO is very jealous...ridiculous to a point. So if someone does flirt etc...I say nothing. Her insecurities have lead to too many stupid fights about nothing...so ja...there is a line unfort :(
 
You need to be brutally honest even if they cannot handle the truth.
 
Depends on your SO and the type of relationship you have I guess.

If me and my SO walk past a sexy woman and I didn't see she will tell me to look :D
 
i share all with my wife. she knows how i feel about all the women in my life. she also knows she doesn't need to worry. she KNOWS. there is no insecurity on her part. also, this helps to keep me accountable to her. she knows which of my lady friends and acquaintances i find attractive; when i am feeling more amorous then usual towards one of them, i can go to my wife and she will support me as i do my best to control my thoughts and behaviour.

my wife has so much security because she knows that i choose her despite what attractions i may have towards any other women
 
droplet said:
i share all with my wife. she knows how i feel about all the women in my life. she also knows she doesn't need to worry. she KNOWS. there is no insecurity on her part. also, this helps to keep me accountable to her. she knows which of my lady friends and acquaintances i find attractive; when i am feeling more amorous then usual towards one of them, i can go to my wife and she will support me as i do my best to control my thoughts and behaviour.

my wife has so much security because she knows that i choose her despite what attractions i may have towards any other women
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sounds like you have it waxed! you should write a book :)
 
droplet said:
i share all with my wife. she knows how i feel about all the women in my life. she also knows she doesn't need to worry. she KNOWS. there is no insecurity on her part. also, this helps to keep me accountable to her. she knows which of my lady friends and acquaintances i find attractive; when i am feeling more amorous then usual towards one of them, i can go to my wife and she will support me as i do my best to control my thoughts and behaviour.

my wife has so much security because she knows that i choose her despite what attractions i may have towards any other women
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this is how my realtionship is as well ...there is nothing to hide and we trust each other ...

i think what keeps me from cheating is the fact that she is not jealous, where as with other women that i have had, i always had questions asked
 
Ja well, if there werent so many *******s on this earth...my wife wouldnt have the extra baggage and there wouldnt be this insecurity. All you need is one guy to stuff it up before you meet...and then you carry their stuffups going forward...

Would still love to meet that oke...lovely piece of work...but ja, thats how it goes I guess
 
techead said:
I just got hit on by an attractive, petite blond sales lady. I could have dont anything I wanted to but I gave her the bat :whistle: Do you tell all to the SO at the good chance of building her insecurity(bad), or do you tell all to the SO at the slim chance it will go down well and that you are maintaining the transparency in the relationship? (good)
Click to expand...

It depends on the situation. In this case I would tell her - the fact that other women find you attractive makes you more desirable to her, and the fact that you told her about it leaves her feeling more secure that you're not screwing around (rather it comes from the source than a 3rd party, because that would leave her feeling insecure).
 
techead said:
I just got hit on by an attractive, petite blond sales lady. I could have dont anything I wanted
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No you couldn't have. She's a salesperson ffs.

My ex and I were very transparent - she'd have no qualms telling me about flirts and so on. I had no issues telling her mine. I don't see the problem with it. I couldn't date a jealous woman - she'd drive me around the bend...
 
I rate you need to judge your SO's response to your honesty.

I'll give a good example with me as the SO:
My wife tells me that some dude at work is pissing her off and pushing her around. I tell her I'll come in to work and sort this dude out. She decided to rather sort out her own problems and not get me involved.

Now she does not tell me if a dude is giving her issues at work. So is this a bad thing ?
No, not at all. She as decided that my reaction is way worse than having to deal with the dude at work.

The same thing if a hot chick hits on you... you could tell her and then she gets upset. Or you know that you wont do anything about so its not like she needs to worry.

You need to be honest about the things YOU do that they might worry about.
 
Nerfherder said:
. I tell her I'll come in to work and sort this dude out. She decided to rather sort out her own problems and not get me involved.

Now she does not tell me if a dude is giving her issues at work. So is this a bad thing ?
No, not at all. She as decided that my reaction is way worse than having to deal with the dude at work.
QUOTE]

see now there's the problem - we want understanding and compassion - not an offer to go beat the guy up
:confused:
Click to expand...
 
techead said:
I just got hit on by an attractive, petite blond sales lady. I could have dont anything I wanted
Click to expand...
Maybe she was just trying to wrap you around her finger to buy whatever she was selling - why do you think prostitution is so lucrative :D

Back on topic, I would not a fsck tell my wife someone's hitting on me because my wife is from Mitchell's Plain!
 
I don't tell her everything, I'm to forgetful. So I only tell her something if she ask about it. Other than that, just the normal generic conversations.
 
I find that given the fact I cannot share anything about my livelihood and work, I tend to compensate by sharing the trivial things that happen during the day.
 
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