Inner Minds
Junior Member

Hi, I don’t know what to do... I have sacrificed my entire life, soul and being for my child. He has had a relatively privileged upbringing and wanted for very little. However, as you probably have already guessed - he hates me, not normal teenage "I hate my parent stuff" - he really truly hates me!!! PASSIONATELY.

He hates me for trusting other people.
(Not everyone can be evil, or have bad intentions, can they?)
He hates me for losing everything we own, more than once
(I give my partners complete trust; they are partners so I should trust them?)
He hates me for being weak
(Not being able to fight back when I am cheated)
He hates me for ruining his life
(He could have grown up in a normal family)
He hates for leaving an extremely cruel mentally abusive man who destroyed me.
(Two decades later I am still an insecure scared little girl)
He hates me for not having a dad, well for not remarrying a great dad for him.
(But I left a man that I was dating who would have been a great dad as my son did not want him to be his dad)
He hates me for being married to a man that beat me constantly.
(But was then upset that we left the country - we had to or I would have been killed)
He hates me for letting a much younger man convince me that he loved me and that I was worth something, even though the world had proved to me I was not worth anything.
(Afterwards I discovered he was just a conman who took me for everything and left me penniless and in debt).
He hates me for always working.
(But he insists on only wearing top labels and doing expensive sports and having loads of cash to impress his friends)
He hates me for letting myself be used by people pretending to be my friends
(I have no friends now as I do not want to hear him telling me how they are going to screw me over)
He hates me for always being loyal, even past the point that it is deserved
(I believe that there is always a reason for good people doing bad things)
He hates me..... what the hell, let's just shorten it to ....for everything!
AND as you can see I try and make up excuses for all the dumb things I do instead of just accepting that I am worthless and a really bad parent.

Problem is... I hate myself for the same things as he does....

BUT, it kills me that he hates me.